Psychologist Komal Baxi on Why Play, Not Pressure, Helps Parents Connect With Teens

Komal Baxi recommends that parents build connection through play rather than relying only on serious conversations. She believes emotional connection helps parents understand and support children as they grow, including during the teenage years. Play creates time together without making the child feel questioned or examined.

Parents might play a board game, laugh together, go outside, or enjoy a little playful fighting. With teenagers, the activity should match their age and interests. It could be a favourite game or another shared activity. The important part is that both people enjoy it and that it happens without an agenda.

Baxi suggests making this active time a daily habit. She says it can reduce the pressure of a formal, face-to-face discussion. The goal is not to extract information during the game. It is to create a relationship in which teenagers feel comfortable approaching their parents when they are ready to talk.

In Baxi’s advice, play means active, enjoyable time shared by a parent and child. It is not limited to toys or childhood games. The value comes from doing something together that feels natural and relaxed. This gives parents a way to stay connected as children’s interests change.

For a teenager, play could be a favourite game, a board game, or another activity both people enjoy. Parents could also step outside, laugh together, or engage in a little playful fighting. The activity should fit the teenager’s age rather than forcing them to use toys they have outgrown. It should also happen without a hidden demand for personal information.

This approach matters because the activity changes the setting. Instead of sitting face to face and answering questions, the teenager shares an experience with the parent. Baxi says that reduced pressure may make opening up feel more comfortable.

Komal Baxi suggests that parents spend at least 15 to 20 minutes playing actively with their children each day. This is a practical amount of time for creating regular contact. The activity can help maintain emotional connection even when a child becomes older and less willing to answer direct questions.

The time might include a board game, outdoor play, laughter, or playful fighting. With teenagers, parents can choose a favourite game or another shared activity. The specific activity is less important than making time for something both parent and child enjoy. It should not feel like a scheduled interview or a test.

Baxi presents this daily time as a way to make communication easier. When parents join an enjoyable activity, the teenager may feel less pressure than during a formal conversation. The aim is not to force disclosure during those minutes. It is to build enough comfort for the teenager to approach the parent later.

A serious, face-to-face conversation can make a teenager feel that they must provide answers immediately. Baxi says children may not always be ready to discuss what is bothering them, even when parents want to help. Play offers another route to emotional connection without putting the teenager directly on the spot.

For example, a parent might play a favourite game, laugh with the teenager, or spend time outside. Both people focus on an activity they enjoy rather than on solving a problem. The shared experience creates relaxed contact. Baxi says children may then feel more comfortable opening up about what is on their minds.

The key mechanism is reduced pressure, not a trick for collecting information. Parents should not turn every game into an interrogation in disguise. Instead, regular enjoyable time can build a relationship in which the teenager feels comfortable approaching the parent when ready to talk.

Direct questioning can feel like an interrogation because the parent controls the conversation and expects answers. Baxi notes that starting discussions about feelings, school, or friendships may make teenagers want to share less. Children may also behave differently around their mother and father, choosing what to tell or hide from each.

A formal conversation often places attention entirely on the teenager’s answers. They may not be ready to explain complicated feelings, friendships, or concerns. Even a parent’s wish to help can therefore feel like pressure. The problem is not necessarily the questions themselves. It is the demanding setting and expectation of immediate openness.

Baxi suggests building connection before attempting difficult conversations. Playing, laughing, or sharing an activity gives parents and teenagers time together without a direct demand to talk. This can create greater comfort. The aim is to make communication available, rather than forcing a teenager to speak on the parent’s schedule.

Baxi says emotional connection does not have to be built through formal conversations. Parents and teenagers can spend ordinary time together through play, laughter, and shared activities. These alternatives matter because communication may become easier when the teenager is not being asked to discuss a problem directly.

A parent could play a board game at home, step outside, laugh together, or engage in a little playful fighting. For an older teenager, the activity might be a favourite game or another interest they share with the parent. The choice should change as the child grows. Both people should enjoy the activity, and it should have no hidden agenda.

These moments create connection before conversation. The parent is not using the activity to extract information. Instead, regular enjoyable contact can make the teenager feel more comfortable approaching the parent when ready. Baxi presents this everyday relationship as a foundation for support through different stages of life.

Baxi believes emotional connection helps parents understand and support children through different stages of life. For teenagers, that connection can matter when their friendships, concerns, and inner worlds become more complex. A teenager may not be ready to talk at the moment a parent asks, but a strong relationship keeps support available.

Regular shared time helps build that relationship. A parent might play a board game, laugh, go outside, or enjoy a favourite activity with the teenager. The parent does not need to turn the activity into a search for information. The teenager can simply experience time together without an expectation to explain personal concerns.

Baxi says this may make opening up easier and help teenagers feel comfortable approaching their parents when ready. The forward implication is a shift in parenting style: connection comes before conversation. Parents can create repeated opportunities for support instead of waiting for the perfect question or demanding an immediate answer.